


No Regrets

by peggin



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-17 23:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7291006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peggin/pseuds/peggin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian's thoughts on missing Gus's birth. (Set in early season 4, shortly after Brian opened Kinnetik.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> Between 2004 and 2007, I wrote a number of short QAF fics on livejournal, and I've decided I want to post them here. I wrote this one in May 2004.

Sometimes I wonder if Brian is capable of ever thinking about anything besides sex.

Take this morning. I was headed out to meet Michael to discuss the storyline for the next issue of _Rage_. Kinnetik's offices were only three blocks out of my way, and I just couldn't be that close to Brian without needing to stop by and see him. Besides, I still had half an hour before Michael was expecting me.

When I got there, I stopped by Cynthia's desk. "Hey, Justin. I didn't expect you today."

"I was just in the neighborhood; thought I'd see if he had a few minutes."

"Just a few, actually. He's got a meeting in about five minutes with some of the Media department. Why don't you go on in, though? I'm sure he'll want to see you."

I thanked her and headed into Brian's office. Five minutes... well, that was a little disappointing. So much for any ideas I might have had about christening Brian's newly renovated private bathroom.

Brian was sitting with his back to the door, and there were already a few people in his office waiting for the meeting to start. Mitch, Kinnetik's Media Director, was showing everyone a couple of thousand pictures and gushing about his newborn daughter. I heard him say, "It was so amazing. Being there for her birth, watching her come into the world... it was the best thing that ever happened to me."

One of the other guys said that his wife had gone into labor a month early and he'd been away. He finished, saying, "I'll always regret not being there."

Brian gave a little half-laugh and shook his head... I guess to let all the lesser mortals in the room know just how bored he was with all the baby talk. Then he said, "Yeah? Well, I wasn't there to see Gus born, and I don't regret it for a minute."

"Oh, really? Why is that?" I asked.

Brian turned around at the sound of my voice. "Hey. I didn't know you were here."

I just smiled and said, "Answer the question."

He smirked at me with his tongue in his cheek and gave me one of his looks -- the one where he takes in every inch of my body in a single glance. The one that goes straight to my dick and makes me want to just tackle him on the floor and start tearing his clothes off right there in front of everyone. And he knew he was doing it, too, the asshole.

The answer, when it came, wasn't quite what I expected. But, then again, when it comes to life with Brian Kinney, few things ever are.

"I had better things to do that night."

I laughed and gave him a quick kiss before I headed off to meet Michael. I shook my head as I walked out the door. I knew he didn't really mean it that way, but trust Brian to let people think that a night of sex was more important to him than the birth of his son.

**********

After my meeting was over and I had my office to myself again, I let my mind wander back to the night Gus was born. I know a lot of people insist that being there to see the birth of their child was the most profound experience of their life. I also know a few who deeply regret missing their child's birth. Not me. I don't regret it for a minute. In fact, there are days when, if I believed in any of that shit, I'd be thanking God, or Fate, or Destiny, or whatever the fuck, for making me turn off my cell phone that night.

I never turn my cell phone off... never. It's like a part of me. Why I had it off that night, I'll never know. It was a fluke; a mistake. But it was the best mistake I ever made. It's not something I could ever regret.

Sometimes, when I think about what could have happened to my life if I had left my phone on, I feel physically sick. Not that I'd ever admit that to anyone, but it's true. When I think of how empty my life would be if I had done "the right thing" and been there for my son's birth, I break out into a cold sweat.

If I'd done the right thing, I would have been at the hospital at one in the morning, rather than coming out of Babylon. I never would have seen the most beautiful blond boy I'd ever laid eyes on walk towards me and stop to stand under a streetlight. I never would have gone up to him, asked him about his night, and offered him someplace special to go.

If I'd done the right thing, I never would have wound up with an annoying little brat following me around, refusing to let me push him out of my life... refusing to let me forget about just how soft his lips were, just how sweet his skin tasted, just how eager he was for my every touch.

If I'd done the right thing, I never would have met the first person in my life who ever expected anything from me; the first person who had the poor judgment to believe I could be more than just a selfish prick; the first person who ever made me want to be more than that.

If I'd done the right thing, I never would have met the only person in the world who has ever loved me completely and unconditionally. I know Mikey and Lindsey love me, but they always seem to overlook or excuse my flaws -- and, believe me, I have plenty. Not Justin. Justin is the only person in my life who has ever seen me for who I really am, and loved me just the same.

Now, don't get me wrong. Gus is important to me. I love him more than just about anyone; more than I ever expected. But I don't regret for one minute missing his birth. Not when I think of how much I would have missed if I had done the right thing and been at the hospital that night.

Regrets? I have none. Not about that.

I had better things to do that night.


End file.
